I've mentioned it before. I'm a bit of a control freak. I'm working on it, but holy cats, is it hard!
I plan events for a living. Part of my job is to try and predict every eventuality that might possibly affect the success of said events. At work, my control freak nature is a great quality. In my personal life? Notsomuch.
Especially when it comes to things in my life over which I truly have no control. Over the past year, those things have come with unnerving regularity. I've come to the conclusion that God, with his sometimes sick sense of humor, just keeps putting them out there to remind me that, much to my chagrin, not only am I not in control of some things in my life, I'm really not in control. Of anything. At all. Ever.
Why exactly do I struggle so with letting the God of the Universe handle my fears? Don't I have faith in Him? Haven't I seen how He has been at work in my life? I've heard all of the cliches.
"Faith and fear cannot exist in the same place."
"Fear is just False Evidence Appearing Real."
And on and on they go. Unfortunately, I still fear that which I cannot control. And right now, I'm fearing a doozie. Without going into great detail, let's just say that it's a situation that is COMPLETELY out of my control, but yet affects me directly, and has been going on for almost 15 months.
And still, every day, God finds ways to remind me that HE and only HE is in control. Like today, when I "accidentally" clicked on CWO's Internet Cafe Devotions and found this.
I can't adequately summarize the devotion for you, but suffice it to say, it talks about choosing faith over fear. Tracy says this: "If we are going to choose faith over fear, then, as we put off fear, we must put ON faith. Romans tells us that ALL of us, every one has been “given a measure of faith.” All believers have been given faith by God. Romans also tells us that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. When we meditate on God’s Word, it increases our faith! Finally, we need to continue to ask God to increase our faith and then to practice putting our trust in Him."
I never much liked practicing (and I was a music major!), and I'm pretty sure that it has something to do with my need for control. I want(ed) to be good at things immediately. Like right now. Like, "Hello, God? Things are simply not moving along quickly enough for me. Could you speed things up a bit?"
Oh. Right. In His time. He's in charge. I'm not.
So I continue to do (remembering Master Yoda's admonishment "Do or do not, there is no try.").
I continue to practice "putting on faith". And I remember the words in 1 John 4:4 (paraphrased), "He who is within me is greater than he who is in the world."
Dearest Lord Jesus, putting aside my fear is so difficult. Please help me to remember that You alone are in charge. That You alone are big enough to calm to storms that rage. That You are God, and I am not. Help me put off the fear and put on faith, to wear it like a mantle against the evils of the world. To wear it with the love that You gave.